Key events
2nd over: Australia 7-0 (Head 2, Weatherald 4) Talking of being out of your element, there’s something that doesn’t feel right about Alastair Cook on the telly not the radio, but in the meantime, Carse is opening from the other end. I guess that’s partly a seniority thing and partly Tongue is less in need of help from the ball to bowl wicket-taking deliveries. Head turns around the corner for one, then Weatherald is caught out by one that nips in, hurriedly playing it into the turf and into himself, narrowly avoiding playing on. Oooh, then a fuller one that tails even more, bouncing and clumping the batter in the gizzard, then a similar delivery that has Carse appealing, then one that’s over-pitched is dealt with, a bit step and a twizzle to the midwicket fence for four. We don’t know how long it’ll be around, but the bowlers have some help through the air here.
1st over: Australia 1-0 (Head 1, Weatherald 0) Two dots, then Head tips and runs for one, the only runs off the over, Archer’s not quite at full pace yet, but he’s not hanging about.
“Eddie and the Hot Rods debut album, ‘Life On The Line’, started with Kim Thonger’s excellent choice of ‘Do Anything You Wanna Do’,” writes Timothy Sanders. “However, the final track was ‘Beginning Of The End’. The lyric comes pessimistically to mind: It’s too late, much too late, the damage is done…””
I’m so out my element here I make Donnie from Big Lebowski look savvy.
Jofra Archer has the ball. He has to produce here, and everyone knows it. Pressure! Head to face and play…
We’re about ready to go, the England team huddling in the knowledge that their existence as a unit is on the line. Pressure!
Teams
Australia 1 Jake Weatherald, 2 Travis Head, 3 Marnus Labuschagne, 4 Usman Khawaja, 5 Cameron Green, 6 Alex Carey (wk), 7 Josh Inglis, 8 Pat Cummins (c), 9 Mitchell Starc, 10 Nathan Lyon, 11 Scott Boland.
England 1 Zak Crawley, 2 Ben Duckett, 3 Ollie Pope, 4 Joe Root, 5 Harry Brook, 6 Ben Stokes (c), 7 Jamie Smith (wk), 8 Will Jacks, 9 Brydon Carse, 10 Jofra Archer, 11 Josh Tongue.
“So if you’re England,” says Max Williams, “do you take Smith out in exchange for bowling? I guess we’ll know at lunch.”
I don’t have to think about that one: as my dad once said in assembly and as my mates never let me forget, “No, no and no.” If Australia bat well, they could potentially bat England out of the match even if England bowl fairly well.
It’s time for Welcome to Country, then it’ll be the anthems, the plural of which ought really to be antha.
John Williamson is now singing True Blue.
There’ll now be a moment to reflect on the Bondi murders.
Michael Vaughan and Jason Gillespie bring out the crystal urn, then the players, who were out already, come out officially, it’s dead exciting, to a soundtrack of 80s muzak.
Is it better going to bed with cricket or waking up to it? I used to prefer the former but now it’s the latter, which I’m only just realising is because I’m old. This may also be the first time I’ve done one of these without a sweet shop in my box room; it’s a state of affairs, mates.
“Pretty sure Eddie and the Hotrods were managed by Talk Talk singer/songwriter Mark Hollis’ older brother, Ed,” says Julian Rolfe. “Anyway, HUGE day for England. Time it’s time for the batters to take some responsibility. Life’s what you make it, chaps, so please don’t say The Party’s over. Dig in. Don’t Give it up so easily. For sure, It’s a shame if the Ashes were to be over in the next couple of days. Ben Stokes and co … I believe in you!”
It’s hot out there, so both sides will want to rely on their spinners. Graeme Swann is out on the pitch for TNT, and if I had to pick an England XI of my lifetime, he’s the easiest selection – not just able to hold down an end in the first innings, but to take first-innings wickets – with a bit of help from DRS.
“Will England see sense and drop Pope down to six?” wonders Matthew Tom. “Root taking responsibility at three, Brook a natural at four, Stokes allowed to bat when it’s not (yet) a crisis, and Pope allowed to play without pressure of precipitating a collapse?”
I’d be staggered if England took the best thing about their team and messed with it. They don’t want Root going in early if they can avoid it, but more than that they know he has a strong preference, and wouldn’t want to risk altering his mental equilibrium.
Stokes would’ve batted, so consoles himself that it’s good the whole team will be out there together looking to set things right. Josh Tongue brings, energy, effort and “natural wicket-taking ability”, so he’s looking forward to watching him bowl.
Cummins thinks it’s a good wicket and a regulation Test match on the track. He says Smith has been ill and isn’t right – so not concussed – and Khawaja comes in to bat four. Lyon is a huge asset, preparation has been great, and that is a confident man.
Australia win the toss and bat
Tails, it turns out, does sometimes fail.
Righto, time for the toss…
“Morning Daniel, (it’s approaching 7am in Western Australia),” opens Karris Evans. “Fox Cricket noted an hour ago that Smith got a head knock in training this morning, so possible concussion has ruled him out.”
Thanks, there it is.
It’ll be an interesting atmosphere in that dressing room. This team haven’t suffered as they are now, and there’s not that much experience there – there’ll be doubts.
Email! “Good evening Daniel,” begins Kim Thonger. “I think what England really need is just a good pre-match dance tune in the dressing room to get them fired up and this might do the trick. I saw Eddie and the Hot Rods perform Do Anything You Wanna Do at Reading Festival in August 1976. Life changing”
Steve Smith is out of the Test
TNT make if official. By the looks of things, Usman Khawaja, who must’ve wondered if he’d ever play Tests again, comes in.
I’m really looking forward to seeing how Josh Tongue goes. As Steve Finn just noted, he’s not bowled terribly, but it always felt that his run early in his Test career wouldn’t translate to this series. And what Tongue has is the ability to bowl unplayable deliveries; whether he can avoid getting clobbered in between remains to be seen.
TNT now go with the same Smith rumour – he didn’t train on Monday, ill, but was back at it yesterday and he appears to be leaving the ground. Real talk, his absence isn’t the seismic one it would’ve been in the sense that he’s not as reliable a scorer these days, but symbolically, he’s a huge figure in the team and match-up.
Thinking more about the toss, if Australia win the toss and bat, I’d really fear for England. Responding to a big total feels less likely than posting one.
Cricinfo are suggesting that Steve Smith might not be playing. I guess we’ll find out soon whether or not that’s the case.
Preamble
Daniel Harris
Morning everyone. Ben Stokes’ side arrive at Adelaide having already experienced their very own Adelaide, the catastroexpletive of Perth rivalling the 2006 abomination for the very specific “They did what?! I feel like vomiting up my insides” energy that, for England fans, feels like home.
And yet, and yet, and yet. Despite the current frothing, we’ve seen wonders over the last few years that have changed our conception of the possible and with it the nature of Test-match cricket, the miracles of Bazball no less inspiring now than then. Moreover, it remains the case that England’s is a team full of matchwinners who may now be acclimatised to conditions; if they can get rolling, Australia will start to wonder.
That “if”, though, is of Cameron Green proportions. With Australia already on a buzz, Pat Cummins and Nathan Lyon are returning to play at yet another stronghold; their opponents’ total mental disintegration may be too far advanced to be aborted; and even if not, it’s also possible that there’s an insurmountable skill differential in the conditions that will continue to be definitive.
All of which is a long-winded way of saying this could be over soon … but it absolutely isn’t over yet. Go well, people.
Play: 10am local, 10.30am AEDT, 11.30pm GMT
